Wish I knew what to write about tonight. I’ve been dying to get a chance to write, not because I have something specific to say, but because I still feel so maddeningly close to a breakthrough of some sort in my thinking. I guess I’m just hoping that the act of writing might help me along somehow.
For the past few weeks I’ve kind of felt like I’ve been living in two separate worlds. I keep shifting back and forth. I can’t really explain it, and if I attempt to, I’ll probably just sound psychotic. It’s just these tiny shifts during my day to day activities. Little visionary moments where I see another layer of reality. Everything is subtly morphing and I’m sensing just a deeper, richer, infinitely more complex reality. There’s so much more here, right under our noses than I ever imagined! I wish I could give an example. I will when I catch hold of one well enough to describe it. It all largely has a Native American flavor to it, but as I said in my last entry I believe the Native American spirit is an embodiment of what it is to be human. So maybe what I’m reaching is a deeper more complete embodiment of my human-ness.
Who am I becoming, and what do I do with it? I feel like I need to be doing something, but what? Will the answer ever com?
Hm. I just had a thought. It’s not anything new but it feels maybe a bit more profound tonight because I’m coming to it now just a bit more evolved than I have been before. It’s about changing the world by changing myself. I’ve heard countless New Age people suggest that since the world’s problems are too overwhelming to take on as an individual, that our task is simply to work on our own spiritual development. By doing so we can help to harmonize the world. It has always seemed important to work on the self, but seemed a little absurd to think that my own spiritual evolution could have any significant effect on world issues.
But, I’m thinking tonight about what I’ve learned about energy. I think a task for me now is to experiment with energy. I need to learn to resonate with bigger and bigger energy, or higher and higher, really. Right now, I’m humming with the Native American energy held here within the essence of this land. But next, I need to get humming with the land itself, eventually feeling my way into the vibration not merely of Colorado or this region, but finding the frequency of the whole earth and humming with that. That would take deep hard work, but if I can, then I’d become Planet Earth and I assume from the wisdom of that place I may find global answers and be able to influence the global consciousness.
Maybe you think I’ve lost my marbles. I suppose this all sounds like some magnificent delusions of grandeur. But I made the vow when I was fifteen that this life be a quest for wisdom, and I know I am firmly on that path!
I need to work with energy, way more deeply than I have ever done.