I’m still overwhelmed at this transition I’m making. It’s been such a profound experience. I think some very deep place inside of me must have believed this kind of life had been lost forever because, and I haven’t been able to find the language to frame this very well yet, but it feels utterly miraculous. It feels like I’ve been picked up and set back down somewhere in the past—like I get to hit a rewind button and go back to the best part and start over from there. I wish I could find better words or metaphors to describe this. It’s on the level of having a loved one come back from the grave—an unbelievable, blissful miracle. It kind of feels like I’ve gotten to jump back into a past life. In a way, I kind of have. I think the old soul inside of me that has lived countless lives has been deeply grieving these past eight years, as our millions of years of history and connection with the land was seemingly lost and destroyed. And there’s truth to that--it is being largely lost. Stuck in suburbia for those eight years it seemed wholly true--my soul registered it as Truth--and grieved terribly because of it. It’s only a partial truth though, and maybe it’s destined to be our future, who knows, but thankfully it’s not the whole truth yet. What powerful grief though! My soul believing this timeless way of life was gone forever--and can you begin to get a sense of my elation at having been given back this most precious thing I thought I had lost? It’s one of the most intense experiences I’ve ever had, though words still fail me. I’m filled with unbelievable gratitude.
The past few months have been quite a journey. Look what I have manifested! It continues to amaze me how we can get exactly what we want when we ask for it and our intentions are clear. In my search for a house I was looking at classified ads from all over--up in the mountains, north of Fort Collins, even into southern Wyoming--but for some reason I felt pulled out here. It’s that little tug in my chest that I recognize as guidance--and I’ve learned to listen! I don’t know why this is where I meant to be but I know without a doubt it is where meant to be. Who knows what lies in store for me here?
Even this little house is such a blessing. It reminds me of all of the cabins and cottages we vacationed in when I was a kid, and those are awesome associations to have. Those vacations when I was growing up are some of my most blissful memories, out of a childhood that was truly enormously filled with bliss. So living here, just being in this space, I feel nurtured and held like I was as a child. It kind of feels like I’ve come home.
I was just leafing through a book I have called The New Natural House Book. There was a section called “The Spiritual House” and the first paragraph struck a chord with me. It said:
“Apart from the obvious need to live in homes that are healthy for the body, there is the much older and deeper desire to dwell it in a place that is healthy for the mind and spirit. The spiritual aspects are the most important for indigenous peoples. There are many accounts of how they fall ill or even die if forced to leave their ancestral homes. The modern breakup of the community and its dispersal into disconnected ‘domestic islands’ and anonymous housing produces similar alienation, stress, family breakdown, and illness and again can even be fatal. Our links with the earth, the spiritual community, and natural places are being lost and forgotten throughout the world today. In the increasingly rootless Western society, these links must be recreated if we are to be truly well.”
In the past months I’ve said numerous times, when talking about my need to get out of suburbia, that it feels like it is literally killing me. As I’ve said that I know it must sound absurd--how could it literally kill me? But it feels that powerful. I completely understand what indigenous people mean when they talk about being one with the land. It’s not a metaphor. It gets back to what I’ve learned about energy since moving to Colorado. The land vibrates energetically and we vibrate energetically. I believe that my birthplace, the place where I spent the first seventeen and a half years of my life, resonates or vibrates at the same frequency that I do. Or actually, it should be the other way around. My energy field attuned to the energy of the land and met its vibration and therefore I feel happiest and best when I’m in similar vibrational fields.
As I’ve said before, I think there are multiple layers of energy on this planet. The land emanates deeply and powerfully, the energy of indigenous people who lived here before us is held and still emanates, the plants and trees emanate energy, as do the animals and the masses of humanity emanate energy and imprint upon the environment.
When there’s been massive development and the land, plants, animals, and indigenous people have been disrespected, the vibration of the place is lowered or subdued or harder to discern and resonate with. Also, population density muddles things too, since you’re dealing with thousands or millions of unenlightened souls mucking along in vibrationally low energy states. It’s hard to penetrate that layer of muck. No wonder suburbia feels so awful.
Anyway, I’m getting off the subject. What I wanted to say is that the saying “to be one with the land” has a very deep meaning. Where do I start and where do I leave off? The exterior walls of my body, my skin, that’s not all of me. I extend out and vibrationally and energetically am, truly, one with the land. We’re not separate, at least not when our vibrations match, as they did for my first seventeen and a half years. No wonder I feel like suburbia could literally kill me—I’ve been cut off from part of myself that’s out there in Soap Hollow. That part of me was as good as dead in the suburbs. I can only be most fully who I’m meant to be in this lifetime when I’m in touch with the same vibrational frequency that I was immersed in as a child. Now I probably can’t recreate that exactly as long as I’m in Colorado, but I can tell already that the vibration here in Snyder, Colorado is a lot closer to what I felt as a child than anything I’ve experienced in a long, long time. I feel certain life will be easier here for me because vibrationally I’m being supported and I’m able to be more fully who I meant to be. Good things are going to happen here.